Sappy and sorry meet their match.

It is well known that ABC is out to make America cry. Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Miracle Workers. They both do a great job of keeping Kleenex in business.

American Inventor doesn't exactly fit the mold of these shows, but you shouldn't tell that to the show's producers who had Josh Grobin's "You Raise Me Up" playing on a continuous loop for the last half hour of tonight's cut down show. Why does every moment have to be the biggest, most emotional, tear-jerker? Why do contestants need to fall to their knees like TV evangelists? Because American loves to the emotional rollercoaster 3 times a week starting at 8pm Eastern, 7pm Central.

Shouldn't a show called American INVENTOR be in some way inventive about the way the show is produced? They have stolen almost everything from American Idol (yes I do know that Simon Cowell is a co-creator). In fact, the only thing that is markedly different from Idol is that there are four judges instead of three. Who's brain-child was that? An even number of judges? Have they found an inventor that can break a 2-2 tie?

Speaking of the judges... they don't need two people from the world of marketing/advertising. They have an inventor, a businessman, and all they need is one more judge. Come to think of it, they don't even need someone from marketing - especially from an agency like JWT that wouldn't know how to sell water to beached goldfish (or how to make a web site). The third judge should have been Jessica Simpson or Paris Hilton or someone who knows how to create something out of nothing - they could have helped the shows ratings as well.

Let's talk about Mary Lou Quinlan for a second. She apparently is a marketing expert when it comes to women. She has interviewed thousands of women to understand what American women are like. One might say she knows women better than anyone (with the exception of Gene Simmons, who claims to know a thing or two about marketing as well). Well, if we were to judge what women want by Ms. Quinlan, we could assume that women want to fit into traditional stereotypes, cry on tv a lot, and act like push overs. Besides that, can this woman look more like the mom from Home Alone?

To top it all off, this amazing show has one of the most comprehensive and informative web sites on the planet. Don't expect those crazy flash animations and punched up graphics on this site. Oh no... it's all content there. All three links of it. Heaven forbid someone should actually realize that it'd be interesting to profile the contestants or their inventions.

I think what has been proven here is simple. America doesn't like to be reminded of it's emotionally unstable geek community. Instead, we'd prefer to listen to pitchy melodies, from amateur karaoke fans, on a stage the size of Greenland (I'm referring to a different "American" themed show of course). Why? Because it gives us a good reason to use the text feature on our cell phones. And that is what is really missing from American Inventor.